Duality
by keem
Summary: MxS. "Christ, Yagami, Mello thought some time later, the plastic molding of the detonator warm and slick in his sweaty palm. "Your daughter is never going to forgive me for this." He closed his eyes as he pressed the button.
1. cover me in gasoline, i'm burning

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note.

**A/N: **Kinda-sorta sequel to _Heat_ and _Bleed_, although prior knowledge of these two fics is not necessary in order to understand _Duality_.

Rated for sexual innuendo, swearing, and Matt's gay jokes. With lyrics provided by _Hot Hot Heat_.

--

_running with scissors wasn't smart_

_i tripped and cut open your heart_

_i didn't mean to, but i seem to_

_have pushed us back to the start_

--

**duality**

--

Mello was in a bad mood. That was nothing new, since Mello was _always_ in a bad mood, but today he was especially ill-tempered. The murderous blonde threw venomous, scathing looks at anyone who dared to make eye-contact with him, pushing over underlings who blocked his path as he stomped down the hall and down into the basement where Matt was currently lurking. The red-haired genius, one of Wammy's finest, seemed to be the only one who was coolly unaffected by the blonde's smoldering anger. (Even Rod Ross himself was not impervious to Mello's dramatic mood swings.) The teenager didn't even look up as Mello came stalking in.

The heavy fall of Mello's boots halted directly behind Matt, on the other side of the couch in which the youth was currently perched upon. "Why don't you quit dicking around and actually do something useful for once, Matt," he snarled malevolently.

"What, you need me to make a run to the nearest 7/11 and get you another tampon to stick up your ass?" Matt asked mock-sweetly, not even bothering to look up from his game. Mello muttered something nasty under his breath, and then punched Matt squarely in the spine.

"Hey, you miserable fuck…!" Matt cried in outrage, just as Mello yanked the gameboy out of his hands.

"What is this, anyway? … _Mario_?" his face contorted up in disgust as he pitched the Nintendo down on the cushion beside Matt again. His companion twisted in his seat, glaring up at Mello through yellow tinted lenses.

"Those goggles look fucking ridiculous, I hope you realize," Mello informed him kindly.

"Your leather looks fucking _gay_," Matt retorted immediately. "You look like someone's dominatrix." Mello's brow furrowed; another onslaught of violence appeared to be imminent, so the other prodigy wisely moved to the other end of the couch. "What've you got your panties in a knot over, anyway? The kidnapping was a success. You got some ass, and we got the notebook. Everybody wins, right? Isn't that what you wanted?"

"You're fucking stupid, Matt," Mello said, looking away. Matt quirked a brow at him.

"Aw, I get it, you're_ pouting_." Matt's eyes shone mischievously as he came to the conclusion. "You miss_ her_, don't you? Ickle Mello wants his Sayu-wayu." Mello glared at him and Matt grinned. "Stop being a little bitch and get over it, dude. It's bad form to get involved with a hostage anyway. Didn't you learn _anything_ in Kidnapping 101?"

"I'm going to shoot you," Mello told him, already half-way to the staircase. "I'm going to get a gun _right now_." And he stomped up the steps whence he came.

--

_God damn it Yagami_, Mello thought some time later, the plastic molding of the detonator warm and slick in his already sweaty palm_. Your daughter is never going to forgive me for this._

He closed his eyes as he pressed the button. _Boom._

--

In the wake of her father's death there were a lot of sympathetic words, awkward condolences, pitying glances. Everyone seemed to tiptoe around Sayu as though she were made of glass, compromised and on the verge of shattering. It impressed only that much more grief upon her, made her father's death that much harder to cope with. She wished people would just leave her alone; wished her mother would stop asking her to open up, to _talk_ about what has happened; wished the psychiatrist would stop prescribing her pills. She passed every day in a delirium, trapped by her own pain, fear, and loss. It was inescapable, and she felt herself slowly giving way to despair.

It was a few days after the funeral that she saw Light for the first time since Christmas of the previous year. She didn't bother to inquire as to why he skipped the memorial service—she was pretty sure it had something to do with The Investigation. It always did.

The details surrounding her father's death were vague. She knew that he had been shot, that there had been a fire of some kind. That he had died in America, while partaking in a raid to recover something invaluable to the police and the Kira case. She knew he had been _murdered_, and that the killer was still at large. (She also had a pretty good idea who the culprit was, but she hoped against hope that she was wrong.)

Sayu's first thought upon seeing Light again was how, well, _grown-up_ he appeared. Although only a few years separated the two siblings, when Sayu gazed upon the stoic and composed face of her elder brother it seemed like decades. He looked so out-of-place, standing in the doorway of her room, with his dark suit and his stoic expression. The transformation from a boy to she once knew and a man she could not identify with was astounding. He also looked a bit peaky and malnourished, which was understandable, considering the circumstances. She wondered if their father's passing had hit Light as hard as it was hitting her.

"Light," she said, blinking at him in surprise. "Did mom know you were coming?" Sachiko had left for grocery shopping just a half-hour prior; Sayu knew the widow would be upset if she knew she had missed her eldest child.

Light didn't answer. "Sayu, I'm sorry I'm dropping in unannounced like this, but it's really important." His expression was grave. "When you were kidnapped… did you meet someone named Mello?"

Sayu's insides wrenched up painfully at the sound of his name. She bowed her head as she felt her eyes begin to swell with the familiar sting of tears. "Light…" she whispered, as she heard the quiet footsteps of her brother draw nearer. "…H-he's the one who's responsible… isn't he?"

"Sayu." She felt Light's heavy hand clasp her by the shoulder. "I need your help. You might actually be the one to help solve this case."

"Do you need a description or something?" Sayu asked, looking up at her brother. Light was wearing an expression Sayu couldn't quite identify. She wondered what he was thinking.

"I just need his name."

"I don't know his name," Sayu told him truthfully.

"I do," Light said unexpectedly, and Sayu blinked at surprise. He reached into the pocket of his slacks and pulled out a torn piece of lined notebook paper. "Sayu, I'm going to tell you his name, and I want you to write it down on this scrap of paper." It was an unusual request, and Sayu locked gazes with her brother, trying to gain some kind of understanding. She suddenly remembered something Mello had said to her, on the night before he released her back into police custody:

"_We're going to make a trade," Mello told her in a half-whisper. "The notebook, for your freedom."_

Then she thought of her father, and what he had died for. (Retrieving something invaluable to the Kira investigation.) She wondered if he had been successful, and if it had been the aforementioned notebook. The more Sayu considered it, the sounder her theory became. After all, detective reasoning ran in her blood.

"Sayu," came Light's voice again, gentler this time. Sayu realized she had gotten caught up her memories. "Do you think you could do that for me?"

He extended the piece of loose-leaf before her. He seemed tense, and a faint flicker of anxious hope seemed to flitter across his features before it was gone. And Sayu wondered for the first time if perhaps Mello and the others were right in having their suspicions.


	2. am i breathing or bleeding or screaming?

_--_

_traveled the world under your spell_

_cast on me in a motel_

_it turned my rain clouds in to rainbows_

_but i couldn't even tell_

_--_

"God damn it, oh fuck, oh Jesus," Mello hissed through gritted teeth, as Matt changed his dressings.

This was one of the blonde's better days. For weeks he had laid out on a futon in Matt's shitty flat back in LA - had spent the better part of a month bitching and crying, agonized by pain and delirious with fever while Matt played nurse. He had said strange things, haunting things - whispered in halting, hoarse tones about God, about L, about Sayu - things that made Matt think that Mello might very well die.

But the fever had subsided, and with it, the psychotic ramblings. As Matt dumped the soiled bandages into a trash bin, he noted with a kind of disgusted satisfaction that they were only drenched in blood this time, not puss. It appeared as though the worst finally over. It looked as though Mello was going to pull through this, after all; that he was going to be okay.

Well... maybe not _okay_. Mello was scarred and afflicted and a little jumpy. He would always favor his left side and his face would forever remain ruined, but the vengeance had returned, the rivalry and the hate, and these were his lifeline, his very reason for _being_. So Matt could rest a little easier knowing they were there, a comforting hum at his back.

He can still remember how Mello looked when he finally found him - bloodied and raw, his hair singed and the right side of his face mangled and exposed, made up of open tissue and gore. The image of Mello cowering in the rubble of their former headquarters - half-dead and half-crazy - had left a permanent imprint upon Matt's mind. It had marred his confidence, marred it like Mello's once-beautiful features, stole away his apathy and replaced it with something that was unfamiliar and unexpected in its brutality: it was fear.

But the fear had been temporarily pushed aside as he dealt with the matter at hand. Matt stole into the bathroom, took a bottle of bactine and a wash-cloth, and came sauntering back in with the supplies. Mello eyed him mistrustfully as he approached.

"What the fuck is that?" Mello demanded wearily, as he watched the redheaded boy twist the cap off.

Matt told him.

"No, Matt, no. That shit hurts like a motherfucker and I don't fucking _need _it."

"Too bad," Matt said. He soaked the rag and applied it to Mello's ribcage, where the skin was flaked and angry and red.

"You. fucking. _bitch_," Mello swore beautifully, and Matt almost smiled.

--

"I'll give you the name," Light told her. "And you just write it down. And his description."

The request was reasonable enough. Sayu looked down at the scrap of paper on the desk her brother had laid out for her. Then she glanced up at him and asked an equally reasonable question: "Why can't you do it?"

"Sayu, please," Light said crossly, arms folded across his chest. He seemed overly agitated with her reluctance to comply. "You're just being difficult on purpose. I can't act as your scribe. I'm going to use to use this for the inves--"

Light was cut off by the undeniable sound of a door being closed downstairs. "I'm home!" announced Sachiko's voice, and the two teenagers paused as their mother's steps halted at the foot of the stairs. "Whose car is that out front, Sayu? A friend of yours?"

The younger Yagami child stole a glance at Light. His wide-eyed stare bore uncanny resemblance to a deer that has just been caught in someone's headlights. Then, as though sensing his sibling's eyes upon him, his face rearranged itself into what could pass as cool indifference.

"It's Light's," Sayu answered.

They heard Sachiko drop her groceries ungracefully onto the floor. "R-Really?" Sachiko inquired hesitantly, as though afraid that Sayu might be lying to her. "H-he's here?"

"Just forget about it, Sayu," Light muttered darkly, as he picked up the sheet of lined notebook paper and folded it neatly back up. He shoved the square into his pocket and headed for the door. "...I should probably go say 'hi' to mom, then." He couldn't even mask the filthy look he fixed her with before he crossed the threshold and was gone.

--

_Sayu wasn't sure how she ended up going from hating Mello to getting ready to fuck him. Yet here she stood, fully undressed, before him. Life was full of surprises like that, she guessed._

_The blonde-haired teenager was leering at her, not even bothering to hide his desire. His eyes roamed the milky length of her body, lingering on the curve of her breasts and the cleft between her legs. She watched him actually lick his lips, and had to suppress the laugh it wanted to inspire. Mello was so busy visually devouring her that he didn't notice. _

_"So are you just going to have me stand here all night," she intoned dryly, putting her hands on her round hips. "Or what?"_

_"Shut up," he told her, in a voice that was not kind by any means. "I want to savor this moment."_

_This time she really did laugh. "You say the weirdest things." He wasn't looking at her - he was looking at her body, memorizing her curves and tucking them away into the dark, secretive recesses of his mind. He would re-live this scene later, recall its vivid details over and over for the sheer pleasure of it. Mello was so utterly typical in this moment - suddenly reduced to your average narrow-minded, over-sexed teenager. In his wantonness, Mello had been stripped from his usual self: he was no longer calculative or manipulative or dangerous. He was just horny. And she found it to be strangely endearing, in its normalness. It allowed her to pretend for a while that Mello was a person, instead of a blood thirsty machine hell bent on revenge and the desire to be number one._

_It was dizzying, to have such total control over someone so dangerous; someone who was undoubtedly stronger and smarter and better than her in every way, someone with capable hands and killer instinct, a killer's _hands_. Mello was fiercely clever, far cleverer than Sayu could ever hope to be, but in this moment she had bested him, had left him blank and stupid and horny._

_She wondered if his wet, open-mouthed kisses would taste like chocolate, and knew it was not long before she found out._

_"Mello," she said, snapping her fingers at him. "Eyes up here." She pointed at her own smiling face._

_"I told you to shut up, didn't I?" Mello snarled, already half-way to enraged, but he looked up anyway. Then he unzipped the front of his vest and peeled it free from his body like a second skin, tossing it aside into the darkness. His chest was leanly muscled and beautiful, faintly tanned from the blazing California sun outside. "Come here," he commanded huskily, indicating the empty, open expanse of the scarlet sheets beside him._

_She did as she was told. As soon as she was seated beside him he took her in his arms, wound his fingers through her hair and kissed her in a way that she had never been kissed before._

_They were both panting when he finally pulled away. Suddenly the room was stifling hot, and Sayu wished the base wasn't underground because if it wasn't then maybe they could have opened a damn window or something, could find some kind of relief. "You know," Mello murmured thoughtfully, studying her in the darkness. "Brunettes aren't even my type, not usually."_

_"Oh, really?" She asked him coyly. "Then what is your type?"_

_He paused as he considered it. "Redheads," he said finally, and Sayu moved in to close the gap between them._


	3. you don't know a thing about my sins

_--_

_in the wake of my mistake_

_i felt your voice starting to shake_

_the timing couldn't have been worse_

_for me to be this far away_

_--_

Matt's phone rang. The redhead didn't even check his caller ID as he blindly reached for it. There was only one person who knew this number, and therefore, only one person it could possibly be: Mello.

"So are you fucking Lidner or what?" Matt got out first, as he flipped the phone open one-handedly and shoved it between his ear and his shoulder.

"What the fuck kind of question is that?" Mello's voice echoed vaguely on the other line.

"A warranted one, I'd think. I was wondering if you always have a thing for the women you take hostage? Or was Sayu just special?" Matt asked curiously, his thumbs working furiously at his game.

"Fuck you, I'm just using Lidner to get to Near and you know it." Mello sounded uncharacteristically cross, even for him.

"Are you still living in her bathroom?"

"...Yeah, but only because it's the only place where that albino fuck hasn't installed cameras."

"Dude!" Matt nearly dropped his Nintendo in his excitement. "Does she let you watch while she's taking a shower?"

He could hear Mello's grimace, even if he couldn't see it. "Matt," he began warningly.

"Seriously. Does she?"

There was a hilariously long pause on the other end. "...Yes."

Matt whistled through his teeth. "Dude, she _wants_ you. Why aren't you hitting it?"

"Listen to me, god damn it. This isn't about a booty call, this is about catching Kira. So get your mind out of the gutter and pay attention to what I'm about to--"

"God, Mello, you're the biggest queer I've ever met."

"--About to... _what did you say_?"

"You heard me." There was another pause, and Matt could picture the furious expression that must be on Mello's face right now _perfectly_.

"You know what? Fuck you. I had something important to say but if you're just going to be some prick then forget it!" And the line went dead.

_Aw_, Matt thought amusedly. _He loves her. _It almost warmed the cockles of his heart. Almost.

--

"Sayu," Sachiko said gently over dinner one night, as the youngest Yagami child picked at her food. "Is there anything you're interested in? We could get you enrolled in Dance, or have you pick up Piano again, or..."

Sayu smiled wanly at her. She did not desire any of these suggestions; did not share any kind of remote interest in them. Still, she knew her mother was only trying to help her, trying to find something to occupy Sayu's mind with, to keep the grief at distance. After all, it was _Sayu_ who had been kidnapped and tortured and raped; it was Sayu who had taken Dad's death the hardest of all, the one who assumed blame for it, the one who felt personally _responsible;_ and it was Sayu who needed pills and psychiatric help and doctors and comfort. Sayu was _broken_.

"Sure," she said, trying to put on her most convincing expression of interest. "That might be nice."

The lie was almost enough to make her wince. Nothing in the world was nice anymore.

--

"Well if it isn't Mello, Wammy's ugliest protégé," Matt greeted upon Mello's abrupt arrival in his home.

"Give me your lighter," Mello commanded darkly. Matt set down his game-boy and handed the object in question over, tilting his head and peering over backwards at him.

"So you got it back, huh?" Matt asked, eyeing the photo clutched in Mello's hands.

The blonde didn't answer. He seemed to flinch with every spark and sputter of the lighter, but either couldn't figure out how to light it properly or he was afraid of doing so. For the first time Matt considered the psychological trauma Mello must have sustained from his injuries and the circumstances surrounding them. With a decidedly gentler voice, Matt said, "here, Mels, let me do that for you."

The blonde looked genuinely grateful as he passed the photograph and lighter over to Matt. In a moment there was nothing but ash and the remains of half-burning embers. Matt shook away the charcoal-colored dust from his gloves.

"Near is going to move the SPK headquarters to Japan," Mello said suddenly.

"And let me guess. You're thinking we should too?"

"I think Kira is in Japan," Mello said, tugging the sleeves of his jacket free from his slender arms.

"You think? Or does Near?"

"_I_ think," Mello snarled, glaring at Matt through the uneven fringe of his bangs. He threw the fur-lined apparel down on the couch beside the redhead. "So you should start packing your shit and getting ready, because tomorrow I'm going to book us the two soonest tickets out of here."

"Ah." Matt stared fixedly at the wall across them, legs crossed as his shoes rested on the edge of the coffee in front of him. Mello seemed to grow worried at the pensive state of him.

"Don't tell me you're having second thoughts, Matt," Mello said suddenly, and Matt liked the sound of that half-panic, half-anger which laced his words. Mello was afraid; Mello _needed_ him. It gave Matt some kind of satisfaction. When the redhead didn't offer an answer, Mello said, a little desperately, "_Matt_."

"Oh, no," Matt said slowly, and not very convincingly. Mello seemed stricken and then Matt grinned, breaking the facade. It wasn't nice to torture Mello for too long, not with such a serious matter at hand. Mello stared at him blankly, waiting. "I was just wondering how much it's going to cost to ship my car to Japan."

Mello's face went from horrified to angry in half a beat. "Are you fucking serious?" he asked incredulously. "You actually _want _to bring that piece of shit with you?"

"Dude, it's classic American muscle," Matt said, as though that stood as reason enough.

"It's shitty on gas mileage; it's as big as a boat with a horrible fucking turn radius. Not to mention it's _incredibly _conspicuous with its straight pipes..."

"It's beautiful," Matt insisted firmly, with a shake of his head. "We come in a packaged deal, Mello. It's either both me and the car, or it's nothing, nada, zip. So take it or leave it, girlfriend."

"Cocksucker," Mello spat, and stomped off. "Let me go look up some figures online."

--

_"Your dad is here for you," Mello said, as he flung open the door to his bedroom with dramatic effect. Sayu was seated on the edge of his bed, pulling on her jean jacket and slipping into her shoes. "It's time to make the exchange," he continued as Sayu got to her feet. "We're handing you over for the notebook." There was a smile tugging at his lips as he shifted anxiously on the spot. His eyes flickered from her to the door impatiently. He looked quite maniacal in his glee._

_He was so very far away in that moment. Sayu wondered if what had transpired between them meant anything at all._

_"Got your shit?" he asked, eagerly. Sayu simply nodded._

_"Good. I'm going to tie you up now."_

_"What?" Sayu asked, shrinking away from him a little as Mello unslung the coiled rope from his shoulder and held it out before her. "Is that really necessary?"_

_"Yes," he said, clearly unmoved by her apprehension. "Turn around."_

_She did as she was told, knowing it would be pointless to argue. Once her arms were secured behind her back, Mello urged her toward the door. There were two of his goons waiting for them on the other side, and they began to escort her down the hall with loud, ringing steps._

_Eventually they reached another door, which was bolted into place. Mello stepped back. "This is as far as I go," he told her. Sayu twisted back to stare into his face, trying to find any lingering piece of emotion that would otherwise betray his cool facade. She could find none._

Will I ever see you again?_ she thought wistfully, as Mello turned heel and hurried back down the hall in the opposite direction._

--

Matt's game-boy had run out of batteries some time ago, and now he was bored. Mello had insisted on the window seat, and so Matt stared grumpily at the floor, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Hey, Matt." The blonde turned to him suddenly.

"Hey, Mello," Matt mimicked blandly, slightly aggravated. If Mello insisted on taking the best seat, he could at least keep the shade _up_ so that Matt could enjoy the view. Matt wondered if Mello was refraining from doing exactly that just to spite him. Asshole.

"When we get to Japan," Mello continued, pointedly ignoring the pouting redhead's expression beside him. "I want to set up hidden surveillance cameras in Yagami's household." His companion blinked, and suddenly the irritation was washed away, replaced by curiosity.

"That's right," Matt said, nodding in understanding. "You think Light Yagami is Kira, right?"

"I k_now_ Light Yagami is Kira," Mello corrected tersely. "I've just got to prove it now. And cameras might help us out."

"A reasonable deduction," Matt said, putting on a posh English accent. Mello made a face and shoved him, and Matt grinned. "But Light doesn't live at home anymore, does he?"

"No, he doesn't," Mello agreed, in a strange voice. "But we should install cameras at Yagami's house just in case..."

Matt nodded. "Sure, Mello," he agreed airily, and kept his reservations to himself. He knew Mello had an ulterior motive here, and her name was Sayu.

--

_"Are you going to miss her?" Matt asked, the evening before Sayu scheduled release. _

_"No," Mello scoffed, his face scrunching up. "Why the hell do you think I would miss _her_?"_

_"Just a hunch," Matt said, and shrugged._

_--_

"Okay, Sachiko and Sayu are leaving right now," Matt said, peering into the darkness through his binoculars. He watched as the sedan backed out from their drive-way, and then rumbled down the street in the opposite direction.

Mello grabbed his cell phone that was laying on the dash and flipped it open. "7:46. We've got a little over an hour and a half until Sayu gets back from her dance class if we hurry."

_I like how you've got her whole schedule memorized, _Matt thought with a smirk.

"What the fuck are you smiling about?"

"Nothing." Matt immediately switched to his 'game' face. Mello was still glaring at him through the opaque gloom. "So where do you want the cameras hooked up, again?"

"In the entrance-way, their bedrooms, the living room, the kitchen..."

"In the bathroom too?" Matt asked, because he thought it was a perfectly reasonable question.

Mello lifted his thin eyebrows at him. "Well, you'll be the one who will be monitoring house 90 percent of the time." As if realizing how similar he sounded to L in that moment, Mello made a face at himself before continuing: "...So if you need something to jerk off to while you wait, I _guess_ you could."

Matt threw him a filthy look. "Kill the engine. I'm gonna get my shit." Mello did so as Matt unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed over the center console to rummage in the backseat.

"Christ, Matt," Mello said, leaning as far as he could away from the other male. His left shoulder was braced against the driver side door, but there was no where left to go. "Your ass is right in my fucking _face_."

"Look, princess," Matt said, yanking a duffle bag from the floor board and passing it back to Mello. "I'm not exactly a big fan of leaving my cute little derriere open to assault from behind, _either_."

"Are you insinuating I'm some kind of faggot?" Mello asked hotly, and Matt could feel his cobalt eyes burning holes into the back of his head.

"You said it, not me." He shoved the pair of binoculars into Mello's chest. "Keep an eye out, alright?" The old car's door groaned in protest as he forced it open and stepped out into the street.

"Remember that they have to be _hidden_, Matt!" Mello called after him. Matt merely rolled his eyes.


	4. sprawled out on these Cathedral steps

_--_

_as days apart turned in to weeks_

_my memory played hide and seek_

_while i was playing show n' tell_

_i took your trust and set it free_

--

_The first few days following the explosion were the worst. Mello was so high off of morphine that he was barely conscious of his surroundings, and his wounds steadily wept pus and blood, staining Matt's futon. When he wasn't drugged beyond cognition, he screamed in pain, thrashing and writhing as he cried out for God, for L, for Sayu, in hopes that someone would save him. And when no one did, he begged for Matt to kill him instead. _

_To say that the entire ordeal was nerve-wracking was a gross understatement. The only thing Matt could do was smoke, change bandages, give Mello another shot, and smoke again. It was a continuous, never-ending struggle, and the redhead was downing Advil like it was candy as he watched his best friend's health slowly deteriorate with every passing hour. _

_Matt had never felt so hopeless in his life. There was no one they could turn to; no one they could trust. Mello was a wanted man and if Matt sent him to a hospital there was a very high probability they would get turned over to the police. Matt couldn't risk prosecution, but he didn't want Mello to die either. _

_It was the third day in that Mello had taken a definite turn for the worst. Matt had come back from the nearest grocery run to find the blonde unconscious and face-down on the floor beside the door. _

Did he O.D? Did I give him too much morphine before I left?

_The thought that Matt could have somehow contributed to Mello's current state made him sick to his stomach. He rolled the blonde-haired boy onto his back and seized his wrist to check for a pulse. He could feel his heart-beat, but it was faint and far-away._

"_Mello," Matt tried, shaking the youth. "Mello. Mello!" He was now yanking Mello around so violently that the elder boy's head was rolling side to side with the effort. _

Don't panic, _Matt told himself fiercely, trying to will himself to breathe more evenly. _Don't panic, you've got to be in control. Keep cool, Matt, just relax bud oh God oh God is he going to die what should I do if I get him killed I'll never be able to forgive myself—no.

_Matt wracked his brain, recalling what he remembered from a CPR class he had taken just before leaving Wammy's. _Alright, _he thought, and went to work on Mello's unmoving body._

_About thirty-seconds in, the blonde suddenly became animated again. He coughed and sputtered as Matt leaned back, wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve as he did so. Then Mello rolled onto his side and vomited yellow bile._

"_Nice," Matt observed, wrinkling his nose at the stench of it._

"_Sayu?" Mello asked wearily, and Matt punched him in the back of his head._

"_It's Matt, you dick," he said, as Mello glared at him from underneath a tuft of straw-colored hair. "And don't you ever scare me like that again."_

_--_

"Take a break, Matt," Mello said as he entered the room, pushing back his fur-lined hood as he did.

"Awesome," Matt said, abandoning the surveillance equipment in front of him and making an immediate beeline for the bathroom. "I've been holding it for like an _hour_," he complained, and swung the door shut behind him.

"…Nice," Mello muttered under his breath, and made a face that Matt couldn't see. "Thanks for sharing." He reached down and grabbed a computer off of the floor, glancing back at the bathroom door to make sure Matt was not emerging any time soon. Then he typed in a few commands, switching between cameras. He found the one with the best angle of Sayu on it, and watched.

This was his first time seeing the brunette female in months. The temptation of watching her had been relatively easy to shrug off until now – tonight he had wanted to so badly to see her again that it was almost like a sickness. It occurred to Mello in that moment how lonely his business was; removing himself from Wammy's House and isolating himself from everyone he knew except Matt. Meanwhile, Watari was dead, _L_ was dead, and Near was just doing so fine and fucking dandy it was absolutely infuriating. When Mello had been in the mafia, the loneliness had been considerably less so – in the beginning, he had been so swept up with vengeance and hatred and spite that everything else had been pushed out of the forefront of his mind. And then Sayu had come—and she had changed all that. Mello didn't know whether he should thank her or spit on her.

He felt a curious sensation within the pit of his stomach at the sight of her; she looked alarmingly pretty in the video, far prettier than he ever remembered her actually being. She also looked hollow though, sad. Mello winced, because he knew he was the cause of her suffering. He was the one responsible for ruining her life.

_Would it make you feel any better, _he thought, and he knew it wouldn't, _if I told you I was sorry?_

"Hey, Mello, it's pretty quiet in there!" Matt exclaimed gleefully from inside the cramped space of the bathroom. His voice was vaguely muffled from the door, but no less jubilant. "I hope you're not in there jacking off to Sayu on camera or something!"

"Fuck you, Matt," Mello muttered. He watched as the grainy figure of Sayu discussed something with her mother in the entrance-way to their home. Then they both reached for their coats on the rack. Mello wondered where they were going, and thought back. One of the first things the wayward teen had done upon his arrival in Japan was hack different databases in order to find any kind of useable information regarding the Yagami household. It was also how he learned Sayu's schedule.

_Tuesday. Psychiatrist session at 7:00._

The blonde grimaced. _Mello, you're such a dumbass. This is all your fault, _said Mello's conscious, and it was a voice that bore remarkable resemblance to Matt's. Mello checked the analog clock on the wall.

_It's an hour long session; she'll be back by eight-thirty…_

He watched as the two females stepped out onto the porch and locked the door behind them. Now the only thing Mello could watch was an empty room. He typed a few commands and the original angle Matt had been watching before returned onto the screen. Mello sat down the laptop and slid it on the floor away from him. Then he stared at a wall.

For a long time he sat like that, studying the painted brick directly across from him. _Where do I go from here? _He thought, and for once it was a question that did not directly pertain to the investigation itself.

Mello was an impulsive creature by nature, and it was this trait that bore the most resemblance to one of L's own. So really, the answer here was simple. Mello was just pretending to talk himself out of it.

"Matt," Mello said, flipping up his hood again. "Break's over."

"What?!" came Matt's voice from within the bathroom. "It hasn't even been fifteen minutes!"

"Don't care, I'm leaving," Mello said, and stomped toward the exit.

"But I'm taking a _dump_!" Matt yelled, but it was no use; Mello was already out the door.

--

It was dark out when Sayu finally finished her session with her psychiatrist. She zipped up the front of her jacket as she stepped out into the cool night air. She started walking briskly past a line of parked cars, cutting across the parking lot in order to reach the bus station directly across 

the street. Just as she reached the edge of the lot, however, someone stepped out from behind a vehicle and seized her by the shoulder.

"Sayu," he said, and Sayu turned around. Her expression was a mixture of fear and surprise until she realized who it was. Then it contorted up into disbelief.

"Mello? Oh God, what happened to your face?"

Mello simply stared at her. Sayu stared back. A wide range of emotions flickered across her features, and suddenly she grabbed his hand and shoved it away.

"Don't touch me. I'm not going to ask how you managed to wind up in Japan, but it doesn't matter because you probably wouldn't tell me anyway."

"Sayu…" Mello began, and Sayu ignored him and moved on. "Sayu!" He grabbed her again, more forcefully this time, and whirled her around so that she was facing him again.

"Get away from me!" she cried, wrenching her arm from his grasp. "What do you want, anyway? Are you going to kidnap me again?"

"What the fu.. _no_, Sayu, I just wanted to see you again! Christ!"

"And what makes you think I'd want to see _you_?" Sayu snarled, glaring at him. "You think I'm going to welcome you back with open arms after you killed my dad?"

Mello went white. "I didn't… I…"

"Third-degree burns," Sayu told him through gritted teeth. "All over his body. You can lie to my face and tell me you didn't kill him, but its all bullshit anyway. He's dead, Mello, and you may not have personally done it with your bare hands but that does not free you of responsibility or guilt."

"I didn't_ want_ to," Mello swore, eyes wide. He took a step forward, and Sayu took a step back.

"G-Get away from me!" she commanded weakly, and her voice wavered. "G-get out of here, Mello! I don't want to hear any of your excuses!"

"He was going to kill me with the notebook!" Mello tried to reason anyway. "The killer notebook, the one that can kill with just a name and a face! He had my first name down, and he was working on my second! What was I supposed to do, Sayu?"

"You were supposed to refrain from blowing him up!" she screamed hatefully, shoving him backwards into a car door. Mello grew suddenly angry as he peeled himself away from it.

"You know what, Sayu?" he snarled, as he advanced on her. "Fuck you." Sayu's eyes widened, and she looked back over her shoulder, clearly contemplating whether to flee or not.

"I can outrun you, even in cowboy boots," Mello hissed, and Sayu shrank away in fear. He grabbed the lapels of her jacket and drew her near, so that their faces were only inches apart. Sayu looked stricken by the open hostility written all over his features, and her eyes darted back and forth, looking at everything but him. "No, no, _look at me_," he commanded, and Sayu whimpered. "Look at me, Sayu! I want you to look at my hideous fucking face!"

She did. Her eyes were wide with horror.

"I didn't want to, okay?" he said, breathing heavily in order to control his anger. "I even told him I didn't want to, told him that I was fucking sorry. But it was killed or be killed, Sayu, and I had to take a chance to ensure my own survival." Sayu opened her mouth to say something, and Mello slammed her backwards into a car, like she had done to him before. "Shut up, Sayu, let me finish."

The impact did not hurt her, but it did startle her into silence. Mello glared at her. "But even upon threat of death at your father's capable hands, I went with the method _least_ likely to kill _him_. In blowing us up, he might have survived, and the only thing I had to do was ruin my fucking face in the process. And let me tell you something, Sayu; _he _would not have awarded me with the same courtesy, not with that God damn notebook at his disposal.

"I know that you think I'm some fucking horrible person, but the truth is that I always avoid killing people if I'm able. He was your dad, and probably a genuinely righteous and good person, whatever that bullshit means nowadays, and for what it's worth I'm fucking sorry, alright?"

"If you're looking for my forgiveness…" Sayu began haltingly, and Mello rolled his eyes.

"Of course I'm not looking for your forgiveness, Sayu, because I know you won't give it to me. Even if you did, your brother is fucking _Kira_, and my mentor is L, and that means we will always be at odds with one another. I fully intend to kill Light Yagami in the end, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Frankly, your repeated insistence that he's innocent is both ignorant and disgusting."

"Mello," Sayu said seriously, as something occurred to her. "You said the notebook can kill with a name and a face, right? _That's _how Kira kills, right?"

"Yeah," Mello said, looking uncomfortable. And then he quickly added, "but don't tell anyone, okay? It could put your life in danger."

But Sayu wasn't thinking about doing any such thing. Instead, she thought back to when Light had first approached her a few days following the funeral, insisting she write down Mello's real name down on a piece of paper that _he_ provided. _He didn't know Mello's name, but _I _did… that's why he wanted so badly for me to write it down… to kill Mello._

_Light… really_ is_ Kira. _She looked up in alarm.

"So have you been acting on L's orders this whole time?"

"Sayu," Mello laughed, and it was a completely humorless sound. "L's dead. Kira killed him years ago."

"But he's been in the news…"

"A proxy," Mello said with a shrug. "In fact, I think that it may be Kira himself."

"Then we're even."

Mello seemed taken aback by the statement. "What?" Sayu grabbed the elder boy by the front of his jacket and steered him against her. Then she brought their lips together with bruising force. Mello went rigid beneath her grip, eyes widened in surprise; when they broke apart, Sayu was flushed in the face, and Mello was panting.

"Sayu…?"

"Please," she whispered earnestly. "Please, Mello, don't say anything, okay? I don't want to think right now. I just want to… go."

"Go… where…?"

"Away," she told him in a quiet murmur, eyes fixing on something beyond him. "With you."

There was a jangle of metal clinking together as Mello pulled out his keys. "We're just a modern-day Romeo and Juliet, aren't we?" he asked, wryly, as he led her to the cherry-red muscle car. "A love that can never be." He unlocked her door first, and held it open chivalrously for her as she eased inside.

"Mello," she muttered, as the blonde slid in beside her. "Just drive." Bottom of Form


	5. will you lay with me, make a saint of me

_--_

_bandages on my legs and my arms from you_

_bandages, bandages, bandages_

_up and down on my legs my arms from you_

_bandages, bandages, bandages_

_don't worry, because it's all under control_

--

"Mello, you're objectifying me."

Mello glanced down at where his right hand possessively gripped Sayu's thigh. Then his eyes flicked up to her face, watching as she heaved a sigh in mock-exasperation. Mello smirked maliciously at her.

"That's right, 'cause you're _mine_." He returned his gaze back to the road, and felt the younger girl give a little shudder from beneath him. His grin only broadened.

--

"Oh, so you're back," Matt drawled, not even glancing up from his video-game as the front door was flung open in a display of Mello's usual dramatics.

"Get out," Mello commanded fiercely, as two sets of footsteps entered the room. Matt twisted around in his seat to see a familiar form silhouetted in the doorway behind the glowering blonde. He closed his DS shut with a snap, and yanked his goggles back up into the unruly mop of his hair, squinting at Sayu as though still couldn't quite believe his eyes.

"Is that who I think it is...?"

"What the fuck did I just tell you?" Mello growled, deliberately not answering the question and tossing Matt his keys instead.

"Hi, Matt," Sayu said, peeking out from behind the elder boy's side.

"Heeeey, Sayu," Matt lifted his hand lazily as a way of greeting. "What's crack-a-lackin'?"

"Both of you, shut up," Mello said, giving Sayu a warning look before rounding his wrath on Matt. The petite brunette made a face behind Mello's back, and Matt had to bite back the snigger as to not give her away. "Matt, out. Right now."

"Dude, this is _my _place," Matt said, shaking his head incredulously. "My name is on the deed and everything. _You_ get out."

"Matt, you ornery son of a bitch, this is a one-room flat and it is about to be _occupied_. Do you get me?"

"There's a Love Hotel right around the block. 5000 yen. Have at it there."

"_Matt_." The blonde suddenly advanced on the younger prodigy, seizing him by the front of his shirt and dragging him off of the futon. "Do you want to die?" He showed the redheaded boy to the door and pushed him out of it. "Go take a fucking walk or something."

"For how long?" Matt demanded, as Mello thrust a pack of cigarettes into his face.

"I don't fucking know. _Hours_."

Matt snorted in disbelief. "Yeah, right," he scoffed, as he tucked his smokes and his Nintendo DS away into the front of his vest. "You're a two-pump chump and you _know_ it."

Mello slammed the door in his face.

--

Sayu sat on the edge of the folded-out futon as she watched Mello undress before her. She took in his lean physique, and the slight tan that ran the length of his collar, where the sun had kissed the edges of his shoulders and made them freckled and gold. He was slightly thinner than she remembered him being back at the mafia-hideout, as if he hadn't been properly taking care of himself since coming to Japan. His hair was blonder too, and shaggier, a look that Sayu thought suited him.

She had been wondering how extensive his scarring had been underneath his many black layers, and saw, as he stood half-naked before her, that it covered a good third of his entirety. Mello's new figure reminded Sayu of a patchwork quilt, with deliberately mismatched colors and patterns. Mello was about to yank his leather pants down when he looked up to see her watching him so intently, and paused, as if almost shy.

"What are you looking at?" he demanded, but his voice was devoid of its usual arrogance or swagger. He seemed suddenly self-conscious. Sayu merely lifted her eyebrows at him quizzically, and Mello frowned. "Am I really that ugly?"

Sayu smiled and shook her head. "Come here."

She expected him to deny the request, but he surprised her by coming forward and sitting down beside her. Sayu wrapped one arm around him and brought her other hand up to touch the ruined part of his face. Mello winced, and Sayu asked gently, "does it hurt?"

"N-no."

She traced her fingers over the scar tissue lovingly. "I like it," she whispered. "It gives you character. Makes you look _dangerous_."

Mello drew away from her a little. "Sayu, you say the dumbest shit sometimes." But that smug flicker had returned to his eyes; she had pleased him, assuaged his ego. He seemed surer of himself now, and he eyed Sayu's lithe form disapprovingly. "Why the fuck are you still fully dressed, anyway?"

--

"Sayu, I'm sorry," Mello told her later, as she lay snuggled up in the crook of his arm. "I didn't mean to drag you into all of this."

The brunette rolled her eyes. "You really suck at lying. Of course you meant to get me involved; I was your _ransom_."

"Yeah, well..." Mello apparently didn't have a proper rebuttal prepared, and so he simply drifted off into silence instead. Meanwhile, Sayu sighed, but it was a contented kind of sigh. How strange, that she could feel her first vestiges of happiness returning in the arms of her former kidnapper and her father's murderer. But with Mello, it was easy to practice a suspension of belief. It was easy to get swept up in a passion with the volatile blonde, an absence of rationale Sayu was becoming all too familiar with. It was easy to just let _go_.

(Then again, perhaps it wasn't _so_ strange, when she really thought about it. Sayu's brother was Kira after all, a sociopath who was responsible for the murders of _thousands_. And even though she was shocked and a little appalled by this revelation, the fact remained that Light was still her brother, and she loved him dearly. So maybe this infatuation with Mello wasn't such a stretch of the imagination after all, all things considered.)

"Sayu, I..." Mello grimaced and bit his lip.

"What?" she asked, and Mello shook his head.

"It probably wasn't safe bringing you here. If Kira knows we've been in contact, he might try to..."

_He already has, _Sayu thought to herself. She had already made up her mind that she wasn't going to take sides. _This is not my battle. Whatever happens,_ _happens._ She had to maintain her neutrality here; the stakes were already too high for either side. She could not bare the thought of resulting in the death of Light by giving away vital information to Mello, or vice versa. This was the only way she could live with herself: by simply _being_.

"Mello..."

"...I just don't want you to get hurt, Sayu." He turned away, perhaps embarrassed by the sudden admittance. "I've already caused you and your family so much grief." His concern for her well-being was a startling to her. Mello was usually so careless, so flippant. To have him portray himself in such a way was decidedly different, and all the more endearing.

"Mello," she said quietly. "Look at me." Reluctantly, he did. "It's okay. I want this." She reached for his hand and clasped it in her own, squeezing it. "I want _you_."


	6. how the misery begins

--

_wake up cinnamon_

_they can't get in, and that's them at the door,_

_'cause checkout time is noon and pretty soon it's a quarter to four _

_(and i don't wanna wait anymore)_

--

They spent the rest of the night getting reacquainted with one another's bodies. Mello didn't know how to be gentle, and Sayu cried out under the assault of his unrelenting hands and mouth. As their hips met repeatedly with contusive force, Sayu's nails dug little half-moon crescents into Mello's backside - wounds that would later sting and well with blood.

The tiny room was hot and muggy with the effort of their frantic coupling, but neither could stand to be apart from the other long enough to open a window. The scent of musk was sex and boy sweat hung heavy in the air, a lingering presence that would cling to Sayu's skin and hair for days afterwards. Mello's face, just a few inches above her own, was largely swathed in the shadows of the room, making him look like a ghostly mirage in the dark, a portrait of eerie, phantasmal loveliness. His eyes were sky-bright, boring into her own set of expressive browns with unnerving intensity as his hands possessively guided her hips.

"Mello, I..." Sayu choked out, as she writhed and thrashed beneath him. "I…"

And suddenly her vision exploded into stars and Sayu arched beneath him, gasping out his name as her walls clenched around him with her vice-like grip. Mello breathed something that might have been a swear, or maybe a prayer. And then his loins twitched and swam before he, too, was swept up into the current and _lost._

--

Sayu awoke the next morning to the front door being thrown open. Sunlight streamed into the room and beside her, her lover groaned.

"Dude, Mello!" She opened her eyes to see that Matt was hunched over the blonde sprawled out ungracefully on the cushion beside her, shaking him wildly. "Did you know that McDonalds is discontinuing the McRib?"

Mello, not yet half-awake, flung his arm back in a half-hearted attempt to punch his lackey in the temple. "Matt, go _away_," he commanded hoarsely, his voice slightly muffled against the futon.

"I just heard it on the radio!" Matt continued, apparently oblivious to Mello's obvious aggravation. "One more week and then it's gone. Oh God, I can't bear the news..."

Mello inclined his head, just slightly, so that he could glare up at the other boy. He was bleary-eyed, with a face that was swollen with sleep. "Matt," he growled. "What the fuck time is it?"

"'Bout six thirty-five."

"Jesus, what're you doing up at this ungodly hour anyway?" Mello said, collapsing back into a heap beside Sayu. "Go back to bed before I get up to find my gun and shoot you." Sayu giggled.

"But I can't," Matt swore earnestly. "I've already tried. But I have nightmares! Every time I close my eyes I hear a voice that says, 'The McRib has left you, son, go in peace'..."

"You're about to go in _pieces_," Mello muttered, rolling onto his back and sweeping some of his unruly bangs out of his eyes.

"What time did you say it was again, Matt?" Sayu asked sleepily.

"Six thirty-five." He checked his watch. "Err, thirty-seven, now, actually."

"Six thirty-seven?" Sayu echoed vaguely, and then suddenly the reality of the hour hit her with full force and she bolted upright. "Mello! You've got to take me home!"

"Why?" the blonde sounded distinctively grumpy.

"Mello, I never came home last night!" Sayu cried shrilly. "My mom is going to be worried sick. And then she's going to be _furious_." She threw back her covers, sliding off of the edge of the makeshift bed and onto the floor, immediately gathering up her belongings.

"White and virginal," Matt cooed appreciatively, unabashedly leering at her presented backside. "Nice."

But Sayu was too concerned about getting home as soon as possible to worry about being modest. Mello swung out of bed as well, snapping his fingers in Matt's face to draw his attention away from the petite female.

"Don't get any bright ideas," he threatened, and Matt smirked at him. Behind them, Sayu was already buttoning up her jeans and pulling her black t-shirt down over her bra.

"C'mon, Mello, let's _go_." She said, tugging impatiently on the hem of his leather pants. Mello glanced at where her hands were settled at his waist, and then back at Matt. The younger boy simply waggled his eyebrows proactively in response.

--

Fifteen minutes later had them roaring up her street in the battered muscle car. Mello pulled it up against the curb directly across the street from her house, put it in park, and unlocked Sayu's door for her. The youngest Yagami child reached for the handle but then hesitated, glancing back at Mello a little expectantly.

"What?" he asked her curiously. "I thought you were in a hurry."

"...This wasn't... a one time thing, was it?" she asked, wide-eyed and a little fearful.

"Do you _want_ it to be?" he asked her seriously.

"I..." Her mouth opened and closed several times before she could find the words. "This... this is wrong, isn't it? I mean you... I mean me... my brother..." she trailed off uselessly, looking suddenly unsure of herself.

"You're too hung up on the details, Sayu," Mello said, shrugging. "It is what it is. I'll be honest, Sayu, I like you. I mean, I _really_ like you. There hasn't been a single fucking day since you've left that I haven't thought of you." He turned so that he was facing the steering wheel in front of him, staring out over the dashboard at some fixed point in the distance, beyond the threshold of the windshield. "I've never felt this way about someone before."

Sayu put her hand on his shoulder. When Mello turned his head she leaned across the bench seat, and kissed him passionately.

Mello unbuckled his seatbelt and slid forward to meet her half-way, and in a few minutes they were panting and petting each other heavily through the fabric of their clothes. Just as Mello settled in-between her legs, however, Sayu stopped him.

"M-mello," Sayu rasped, pushing him off. "I-I've got to_ go_. I told you she's probably already freaking out about me. I don't want to keep her waiting." She looked deeply apologetic. "I want this. I really do." He traced two fingers over the front of her jeans and his hips surged forward involuntarily. "Oh, do I ever want this!" she cried, clearly frustrated, and he smirked at her. Then she flung open the door behind her and swung herself out.

"Promise me you'll see me again," she said, turning back to peer across the passenger's side at him. "Tell me you'll come back for me."

"Are you kidding me?" Mello said, with that same maddeningly smug look. "You can bet your ass I'll be back."


	7. i'll give you the nails you need

--

_she's naughty... i call shotty!_

_my body will never live up to these expectations..._

_i still make invitations._

_oh! oh goddamnit._

_i think i've lost it and i think that i've lost you._

--

Sayu had expected a lecture when she got home. She expected her mother's outrage, her disappointment, her repeated usage of choice words like 'responsibility' and 'safety' and 'integrity.' She expected her mother to ground her, to refer to her by her full name as she scolded her.

What she _didn't _expect was Sachiko to burst into tears at the sight of her framed in the doorway; to throw her arms around daughter and sob uncontrollably into her chest. "S-Sayu, S-sayu," she choked, over and over again. "I was so scared... I-I thought I might have lost you, too..."

Sayu blinked, a little surprised by her mother's seemingly overdramatic display. Then she remembered what kind of world she lived in. The days of being sent up to her room for disobedience were over. She had long since reached Childhood's End, had crossed the threshold beyond it and transcended to a place where her dad was dead and her brother was always away. And although Light was still very much alive and kicking, he was still _gone _in every other sense of the word.

There was only them now. Only Sachiko and Sayu, and Sayu suddenly _understood_. She wrapped her arms around her mother, who was trembling like a leaf, and told her how very sorry she was.

--

Mello was like an addiction, and Sayu got her fix of him every Tuesday night at 7:00.

Sayu smiled and waved at her mother as she was dropped off in front of her psychiatrist's office. She declined an offer to be picked up afterward, insisting she would rather take the bus instead. Sachiko nodded and waved at her, mouthing 'I love you' as she slowly eased the sedan away from the curb and set off down the street. Sayu watched her go, and as soon as the vehicle turned left at the intersection and was gone, she stole around to the side of the building, where Mello was waiting for her.

An icy wind was beginning to blow as twilight approached, and the blonde's cheeks were slightly ruddy from the cold. He had a long-sleeved t-shirt on, with his usual fur-lined jacket thrown on 

over it, the hood pulled back to expose his once-handsome face. The rosary around his neck shone beneath the flickers of a dying sun just beginning to dip below the horizon. He had traded his favorite pair of leather pants for a pair of dark denim instead, and Sayu eyed them with interest.

"What?" he asked, after they had finished greeting one another with a frenzied exchange of saliva. He was still slightly panting from the exertion of it.

"I like the leather ones more," Sayu told him, smirking. "They showed off your cute butt better."

Mello rolled his eyes at her. "C'mon, I have something I want you to see," he said, and showed her around to the back of the structure where a sleek black motorcycle was currently idling, with two helmets draped across each of its handlebars. Sayu gave a little gasp and stopped at the sight of it, and Mello grinned back at her. "Do you like it?"

"When did you get it?" Sayu asked, watching as Mello drew his gloved fingers lovingly over its supple length.

"Today. Here, this is for you." He passed her one of the helmets and then put the other one on himself. He swung one leg over the bike, throwing up the kickstand as he did so, and glanced back at her. Sayu was staring down at the helmet in hands a little uncertainly.

"Sayu, put it on."

"Mello..." she said, her voice becoming muffled as she slid the hard plastic down over her face. "Aren't motorcycles supposed to be... really dangerous...?"

"What? You don't trust me?" He waved her over impatiently, and Sayu hesitantly obliged.

"...It's not _that_," Sayu frowned as Mello scooted forward so that she could slide on behind him. She wound her arms tightly around his middle, obviously a little insecure about what was surely going to happen next, and Mello sighed. He grabbed her hands and re-arranged them so that they were holding him gently by the hips instead.

"It's kind of hard to drive with you bodily wrapped around me," he said, by way of explanation, and fired up the engine. There was an explosion of sound as the motorcycle came roaring to life. "Put your feet up, and hang on, okay?" he shouted over the noise, as Sayu winced and did as she was told.

--

Two hours later found them pulling up to Sayu's street.

"See? All in one piece," Mello said, grinning back at her as he kicked out the bike's kick-stand just a few houses down from Sayu's own. He pulled his helmet free, exposing his golden colored hair, matted and flattened from his protective headgear. Then he dismounted, combing out his yellow tresses as he watched Sayu do the same. "Damn, but you look _good_ on my bike," he said, his eyes sweeping over her predatorily. "What time is it anyway?"

"No, Mello," Sayu said firmly, turning her back to him she hung her helmet off of one of the handlebars. Mello came up from behind, pushing his hips against her backside as his hands reached around to cup her breasts. "I'm already late. We _can't_."

"You know you want to, Sayu," Mello murmured hotly, as his hands began to undo the long line of buttons to the front of her blouse. "You can't deny me."

He was right. Because in the end, she couldn't.

--

On the days where he wasn't preoccupied with trying to get into Sayu Yagami's pants, he stalked Lidner. She was a good source information, and through her he was able to learn things both about Kira and about Near's investigation. Not that he really cared much about the latter.

Lidner seemed to revel in it a little, which was weird, but Mello could deal as long as he got what he wanted out of it. She spent the majority of her time playing bodyguard for Takada now, and when she was relieved of duty at the end of each day Mello would let himself into her apartment without a proper invitation. They would then trade ideas over gunpoint.

"You don't really have to keep that thing shoved in my face, you know," she said, eying the barrel of the gun distastefully. Despite himself, Mello had to admit the bitch had guts. Or maybe she just thought he was soft, that he wouldn't _dare_ hurt a woman. The afterthought was almost enough to make him pull the trigger, but he simply gritted his teeth and used his free hand to rip open the foil of his unwrapped candy bar instead.

_There would be no use in killing you right now_, he told himself fiercely. _Not when you're more useful to me as it stands: Breathing._

(Plus, the alternative would be far worse. He might actually have to talk to _Near_.)

"I'm going to take a shower," Lidner said, interrupting his thoughts. "Care to join me?" She threw him a coy look as she disappeared into the bathroom.

"I didn't fucking tell you it was _okay_," Mello snapped irritably, as he stomped in after her.

"Too bad, because I'm going to take one no matter what you say." Lidner already had the hot water running. She turned so that she was facing away from him as she unabashedly undressed before him. Mello glanced in the mirror, and saw the faint trace of an inviting smile lingering on her full lips. Jesus, Lidner sure could be _weird_.

Of course, he knew where she was going with all this. Lidner was always so _obvious_. That's why, as soon as Mello went to set his gun down, he wasn't the least bit surprised when she suddenly 

had him pushed back up against the wall, half-straddling his thigh with her naked body. Mello had known for weeks now that Lidner held a thing for him, however misguided and fucked up that it may be, and had been expecting an advance like this for quite some time as a result.

He let her kiss him for a while, feeling those heavy breasts pressed up so tantalizingly against his chest. There was no denying that Lidner was hot, with her long, sleek calves and proud breasts and round hips. She was more than capable of inspiring feelings of lust in Mello, even if she was largely regarded as the opposition. The young prodigy felt himself growing hot, and it had nothing to do with the humidity of the bathroom.

"Mello," she murmured against his lips, as she went to attack the hollow of his throat with her experienced tongue.

_I could use this to my advantage_, Mello thought idly, as she yanked up the front of his shirt and raked her fingernails down his torso. _Women are always so dumb to let themselves get swept up in this kind of shit. After I fuck her, I bet I could get her to do _anything_. I could _own _this bitch._

Then suddenly he thought of Sayu, and everything changed.

"Lidner!" he said loudly, the sound of his voice surprising them both as he held her at arms' length. "I think you've got this all wrong in your fucked-up little head. We are not friends. We are not lovers! You are a _tool_."

"So _use_ me, then," she hissed vehemently, covering his mouth with her own for a second time. Mello grimaced and then shoved her roughly away. Both of them were breathing heavily as they broke apart.

"You are so unspeakably fucked up," he told her, dragging the sleeve of his jacket across his mouth. "Do all girls have these kinds of sick, twisted fantasies?"

"Don't act like you don't want it," she spat scathingly, angry with him now.

Mello grabbed his gun on the bathroom counter and holstered it in the belt of his pants. "Condensation's probably not good for this thing, you know!" he said, as he kicked open the door behind him and stalked out. Lidner stormed into the hall after him, now wrapped up in one of her bath towels.

"What the fuck is _wrong_ with you?" she raged, as Mello reached for the front door. "You've been following me everywhere, raiding my house, even sleeping over sometimes. What is it that you _want_ from me?"

"You're under fucking _surveillance_," Mello spat, his face contorted up in anger. "You think I'm doing all this because I_ like _you or something? If that was the case, didn't you think I'd simply just ask you out on a fucking date? Do you really think I'm some kind of ineloquent dipshit or something?"

"You watch me in the _shower_!" she cried shrilly, as if that somehow explained _everything_.

"Because you _want _me to!" Mello reminded her with a snarl, literally trembling with rage by now. "Jesus Christ, Lidner, you are the weirdest fucking person I've ever met. EVER."

"You can't tell me you don't want this," she whispered, dropping the towel. Mello reeled backwards, completely aghast by the female's irrational behavior.

"Holy fuck!" But he couldn't deny it - a part of him _did_ want her, and badly. Lidner was just like the girls in the lewd magazines he read when he younger; she was the personification of every little boy at Wammy's House ideal fantasy up through the age of fifteen. (Well, except maybe for Near, but Near was a dickless freak, so he didn't count, not really.) Blonde, big breasts, beautiful and milky and completely _perfect_. Two years ago, and Mello would have taken her right there with no regrets, no second thoughts.

"Lidner," Mello said. "I have a _girlfriend_." And he whirled away from her and out the door without looking back to take in her expression, afraid of what he might find there. As he scrambled down the steps into the lobby he felt the first vestiges of humiliation seeping in, mixing in with the hate and the longing.

_Fuck_, he thought, as he yanked his helmet on over his head and fired up his bike. _Lidner is never going to take me seriously again. _

He sped off into the night.


	8. i'm at this old hotel, waiting

--

_you got to save us! S-O-S!_

_i'm out of gas. i'm out of touch._

_shipwrecked ferry... marry me - or take me out to lunch._

_no, i won't be coming home._

_tell her that i still am on the road._

_make sure she knows that i would change it if i could_

--

It was funny how just a single phone conversation could change everything.

Priorities swapped, engagements made - Mello was racing toward calamity, Sayu at his back. The brunette's chocolate-colored tresses (dark chocolate, the good-for-you-kind, Mello's favorite) fluttered out behind her, like a ribbon in the wind.

70 miles per hour. 75. Sayu was silent behind him, her arms secured tightly around his thin waist. The only thing Mello could hear was the dull roar of his bike, the sounds of traffic as they went whipping past, and the thundering of his own heart.

It was midnight. The skies were black. Mello saw a yellow light coming up, half-way through red, and gunned it. They went sailing through the intersection just as the signal went crimson, and he heard the squeal of nearby tires as Sayu's grip on him tightened. He expected her to ask him to slow down, and he was not sure he could comply with such a request, should she inquire. Sayu said nothing.

_I am going to die._

77. 78. The road was wet up ahead, black and glittering and smelling faintly of tar. Mello began to lean left as the road banked into a curve. He couldn't risk stealing a glance back at Sayu, but he imagined her shutting her eyes, anticipating a crash.

_Stupid girl_, he thought, though it was devoid of any kind of malice. _I wish I didn't love you so much. _A lie.

The blue-black sky was cloudy tonight, a thin veil of haze obscuring the stars. Mello didn't mind so much. It was mood, ambiance - it was a dark filter, dark, dark, _dark_. The opaque blackness could swallow them up alive, if Mello would stop and let it. But he would not. 79. 80.

"Are you scared?" He had to shout in order to be heard. _You could do so much better than me. _A truth.

"Yes," she tells him, her cheek pressed up against his leather clad-back. "Go faster."

--

Rewind.

It was Friday night, and Mello was alone. Matt had been sent away on a recon mission, and was not due back until Monday. The redhead was probably in a hotel room - or a furniture-less apartment, not unlike Mello's own; was probably busily jacking off to Kira's bitch, Misa Amane, while he watched her on camera somewhere. Probably. Most likely. It was an infatuation Mello would never understand.

But then again, Mello was one to talk, since_ his _current infatuation was most likely going to get him killed in the end.

The blonde was watching live video feed of the Yagami household, feeling weary. The current angle was trained upon Sayu, as she was spread at languorously on the couch in front of the TV downstairs. She looked so at ease with herself, so _content_. It was almost enough to make Mello hate her.

_This is all your fault_, he thought, growing irate at the peaceful sight of her. _It's your fault I fucked things back up at Lidner's place. If you hadn't brought it upon yourself to complicate things, I could have done it. I could have made that bitch_ mine, _could have made her my ultimate resource. _

He had been very pointedly avoiding Lidner the past several days, ever since The Incident. He had tarnished his bad-boy image back there, made himself look like a complete fucking cunt, and he was still angry about it, ashamed.

His affection for Sayu had failed him at last, denying him the use of Lidner, and he knew that could only prove to be more problematic in the future. Sayu was a liability, a security risk - not only was she affecting his judgment, but she was Kira's fucking sister. She could get him killed if she slipped up. There was too much bad blood between them, and she was too impossibly close to the enemy, his nearest kin.

_Sayu, this is something bigger than the two of us, something I have to do... and I can't compromise my ideals for anyone, not even you._

It would be easy enough to break up with her, if even really necessary at all. Could their... well, whatever it was, really be considered a relationship? Mello couldn't be sure. He could just as easily break off contact with her, never see her again. He could drop her like a bad habit.

Really. He could.

_Loving you is dangerous to my health_, Mello thought grimly, as he reached out and closed his laptop, Sayu's form folding out of sight._ I'm sorry_.

Mello reclined back against the futon, feeling slightly ill. Then his phone began to vibrate in front coat pocket. He glanced at the caller ID before picking up.

_Lidner_.

Mello frowned and took a deep breath. He flipped out the phone and growled into the speaker: "This had better be important."

"Mello," the blonde was all business on the other line. "Have you ever heard of the Yellow Box Warehouse?"

--

Sayu's hands fisted his hair as Mello pounded her deeper into the mattress, her milky thighs wrapped around his waist like a vice.

All the windows in the tiny hotel room had been thrown open, in hopes of finding some relief in the stifling heat. It was muggy out, humid - Mello's body was covered in thin layer of sweat, a result of nerves, his stifling leather from their ride, and the effort of their frantic fucking.

_If only you knew, _Mello thought, as he stared down at the contorted expression of her face. Sayu's eyelids fluttered with each fluid thrust, her mouth slightly ajar with a soundless moan. _I was going to dump you. Scarcely a point now, since it would only bring us both more grief, and I'm condemned to die anyway._

--

Rewind.

"Sayu," Mello told her in the swirling darkness of her backyard. It was after midnight, and all of the streets on her block were dark and quiet. "Let's go on a holiday."

The forwardness of the proposition startled a laugh out of the lithe brunette, who was clad in only a sleeping shirt and a pair of polka-dotted boxers. "W-what? Right now?"

"Yeah, why not." Sayu leaned a little closer, searching Mello's face to see if he was being serious or not. When she discovered that he was, she stepped back and frowned.

"What will I tell my mom?"

Mello shrugged. He was feeling impatient now, antsy. The decision to lure Sayu out into the dark with him was a last-minute thing, borne out of desperation and fear and loneliness_. I am going to die. Save me._ Everything in Mello's head was a jumbled mix of emotions, false pretenses, anxiety. His biological clock was ticking, and he wanted just a few more precious hours with Sayu, a last foray into the field of the unknown, a final hurrah. _I love you. Please. _"I don't know. Anything. Nothing? Let's just go. C'mon, hurry, before I lose my nerve."

"Lose your nerve?" She lifted an eyebrow at his unusually twitchy form. She leaned forward and gently touched his shoulder. "Mello, what's wrong?"

"I love you," he blurted out suddenly, before he could help himself. Sayu froze, and for a moment, Mello thought she was going to rebuke him, reject him. _What twisted irony. How cruel. _Never before had he uttered such words, to this girl or anyone else.

Then, very quietly, she responded, "I love you too, Mello." The words she spoke were gentle, sincere. "Are you okay?"

"N-no, I'm not," he told her truthfully. He stared at his boots as he pawed at the ground like a skittish horse, feeling uncertain, confused. When he looked up, he had trouble meeting her gaze. "R-remember what you said, Sayu, back there in the parking lot so many weeks ago? 'Just drive.' Let's _drive_, Sayu."

"Let me pack a bag," Sayu said.


	9. and they say you've been pleading

--

_it's true i've dabbled at times with confident lines_

_i was half of a man nearly half of the time_

_in an innocent way, i thought it could stay _

_with us both on the ground, with us fooling around_

--

When Matt returned home from his surveillance of Misa Amane on Monday, he knocked first, as a courtesy.

"Hey, if Sayu's there, make sure you guys both put some pants on 'cause I'm coming in!" he teased loudly, as his knuckles rapped rhythmically on the wood. He received no response, and wondered idly if he had managed to piss Mello off again with his smart mouth. _Probably_. Even still, the redhead mentally counted to twenty before reaching for his keys.

Matt considered shielding his eyes against whatever horrors may lay in wait on the other side, but then decided against it at the last second. He twisted the handle and the door swung open with a tortured groan; thereafter, the successor was immediately hit with the foul, pungent odor of bile, sweat, and alcohol. Matt wrinkled his nose in disgust as he stepped tentatively into the room. He caught sight of his elder companion sprawled out on the folded-out futon, surrounded by several empty bottles of liquor. The blonde appeared to be conscious, but barely. He did not look up as Matt kicked the door shut behind him.

"Mello, are you _drunk_?" Matt asked, kneeling down and grabbing a half-empty bottle by Mello's left foot. He lifted up his goggles to examine the label thoughtfully. "Goldwasser?" He tentatively brought the rim up to his nose and took a whiff, and then made a face as he set it back down again. "Dude, that stuff smells like rancid horse piss."

"Fuck you, I like it," Mello drawled, from his prone position on the only article of furniture in the flat.

"Did you really drink _all_ of these?" Matt asked incredulously, clearly boggled by the expanse of abandoned, overturned bottles littered about them. "How are you _not _in a coma?" There was a slight hint of awe in his voice. "Did you and Sayu have a fight or something?"

"No."

"Then what the fuck are you doing? You've probably drank enough booze here to fill a bathtub."

Mello snorted in disbelief.

"Okay," Matt said, a little doubtfully this time. "At least a toilet bowl, then."

"Maybe," Mello frowned thoughtfully as he considered this.

"Whoa, don't think too hard, you'll hurt yourself," Matt warned jokingly. He ducked as Mello flung out his arm in the redhead's general direction, missing him completely. "Seriously though, you're probably dehydrated as shit." He swung his backpack free from his shoulder, unzipping the top and rummaging around until he found a water bottle. He offered it to Mello, who ignored him. "No? You want a coffee at least, to clear your head? I'll do a Starbucks run, man, just for you. That faggy drink you like, the mocha-frappa-whatever, with chocolate flavored whipped cream on top. You game?"

Mello did not respond, and Matt frowned at him, completely at a loss. "Mello, what's _wrong_?"

"Nothing," the blonde muttered, turning his face to the side so all that the younger boy could see was scar tissue.

"Well... do you want to go over the footage I got of Amane, at least?"

"No," Mello admitted truthfully, and Matt gaped at him. "It's irrelevant now."

"Irrelevant?" The redhead echoed, looking outraged. "It had _better _not be, I wasted seventy-two fucking hours of my life watching that broad. That was precious time of mine, Mello, time which could have spent on something more productive, like video-games. How the fuck is my work irrelevant? Don't you _want_ to catch Kira?"

"Doesn't matter," Mello slurred unhappily, with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Near's already figured out a way to nail Yagami; has devised this elegant fucking Plan. I've even decided to help out. It's simple, really. All I've got to do is die."

Matt dropped his water bottle in surprise. "_What_?"

"Matt." Their gazes met, and for the first time, Matt saw past the drunkenness and noticed how completely haggard the blonde appeared. Mello looked as though he had aged ten years over the span of a weekend. The half of his face that wasn't marred beyond recognition had deep lines, and there were dark bags under his eyes. "I have to _die_."

And Mello proceeded to tell him everything that Lidner had told him: about Mikami, Takada, Light, and the planned confrontation at the Yellow Box Warehouse.

"--But Near's not sure whether Mikami's notebook is the real one or not. Takada might be acting as the proxy now, or not. It's difficult to say, but regardless, one thing is certain: the notebook _must_ be tested. And the only one who can do it is me," Mello finished tunelessly.

"Is that what Near said?" Matt spat distastefully. "That _you_ had to do it?"

"No," Mello said. "But it's got to be done, and no one else is willing to do it. I'm going to kidnap Takada, and--" he divulged to Matt his own plan in elaborate detail. The redhead watched him in disbelief, eyebrows arched so high they were lost in the fiery fringe of his hair. When Mello had finished, Matt shook his head in disgust, slashing his arm across the air in front of him dramatically to make a point as he did so.

"Dude, fuck _that_. Near's got plenty of canon fodder: let one of _his_ cronies do it. With us, there's just you and me. What a ridiculous way to go."

"Matt, you don't fucking understand. I've got to do it."

"Dude, it is _suicide_, and not the noble, poetic kind. Deliberately revealing your face to Takada in hopes that she'll kill you is fucking stupid, and you _know_ it."

"Matt, _it's the only way_," Mello swore passionately. "Don't fucking shake your head at me like that, I'm serious!"

"And what about Sayu?" Matt asked quietly. "Have you told her all this? Does she know what you're planning to do?"

"No," Mello said, and his gaze dropped to the floor. "She'd be better off knowing."

"You don't plan to tell her at all? Don't you think you owe her at least that much?" Matt said, and when Mello continued to stare fixedly at the floor, the redhead grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look up into his own seething face. "Mello, think of what you're doing here. Think of how much heart-break this poor girl is about to endure. She is going to have people dying on her left and right: first her dad, then you, and eventually, in the end, her only brother. This is going to fucking _kill_ her, Mello. She _loves_ you."

"She can do so much better," Mello muttered. "It was a mistake to get involved with her, Matt."

"Of course it was a fucking mistake," Matt spat, and Mello flinched slightly, as though stung. "Especially if all you plan to do is go die on her. Jesus, Mello." The elder boy's expression did not change, and Matt frowned, looking away. "You're drunk, dude. We need to rethink this. There has got to be some other way."

Mello shrugged noncommittally. Matt began to pace about the room, running his hands through his unruly bangs as he did so. "This is the stupidest thing you've ever come up with." He stole a glance back at the blonde, who continued to sit there, unmoving. "You're really serious aren't you? Christ."

"Why the fuck would I lie?" Mello inquired irritably.

"But Sayu, man, _Sayu_. I know you wont do shit for me, but could you at least refrain from getting yourself killed at least for _her_ sake. How is that you can just so willingly condemn yourself to die? You want to be a martyr that bad?"

"Kira killed L," Mello reminded him, as though that explained everything. Matt stopped his pacing and laughed, a humorless sound.

"As if I could ever forget. But getting yourself killed achieves nothing, Mello. If anything, it robs you of the right to see the look on Light Yagami's face when we catch him red-handed; when he finally figures out that he's been cornered, had, that he's _lost_. Don't you want to be there to see that? Don't you _deserve_ that? Look at how far we've come!"

"And we won't be able to go any farther unless I fucking die! Don't you get it, Matt? We've got to figure out if Mikami's the real proxy here in order to achieve all that other shit!"

"And there's absolutely no other way," Matt said sarcastically. "Of course. You've just _got_ to die."

"Yeah, that's right," Mello snarled, and the two protégés glared at one another hatefully. Then Matt took two steps forward, raised his open palm, and backhanded Mello across the face. The blonde's head jerked sideways from the force of the blow, a string of curses exploding from his mouth as he was struck.

"That," Matt said, breathing heavily. "Was for Sayu."

"Did you just slap me?" Mello asked, rubbing the place where Matt's hand had made contact with his cheek. His eyes glittered maliciously as his voice dripped with venom. "Like some kind of _bitch_?"

Matt didn't answer. He could see the rage bubbling beneath Mello's surface, could sense the imminent onslaught of violence on the blonde's behalf. "And this," he said instead, "is from me." And he promptly head butted Mello with such brutal accuracy that it knocked him out.

"You fucker," Matt said, reaching up and feeling his eye ridge tentatively. It throbbed beneath his fingertips, and the redhead winced. "Damn, but that hurts! Your head is like a fucking _brick_."

Mello, who was unconscious, did not offer a reply.


	10. heaven help us now

--

_don't get mad if i'm laughing_

_blame the caffeine for all the 5 am phone calls_

_i haven't slept a single night in over a month_

_and not even once did you start to make sense to me_

_well maybe i'm a little bit slow, or just consistently inconsistent_

_she said, "unpredictability's my responsibility, baby."_

--

Sayu was startled awake by the sounds of pebbles hitting her window. Bleary-eyed, the woman swung her legs over the edge of her bed and slid onto the floor. She knelt down to grab a baggy, over-sized sleeping shirt off of the floor and pulled it on as she crossed the room to open the window. A tiny rock sailed past her head, narrowly avoiding hitting her in the face as she leaned out to address her midnight visitor.

"Sorry." At least Mello found it in himself to look sheepish. "You weren't answering your phone."

"It's probably on vibrate or something..." Sayu mumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "What's up?"

Mello glanced around uneasily before answering. The mutilated side of his face was obscured in the shadows of the huge elm tree just off to Sayu's left, it's leaves swaying and rustling in the slight breeze. The night air was cool, and Mello was wearing his favorite, fur-adorned jacket. "Can I come up?"

"Up... here?" Sayu asked, a little confused.

"No, somewhere else." Mello rolled his eyes. "Yes. Up there. As in, your room. Is that okay?"

She regarded his heavy boots wearily. "My mom might hear you coming up the stairs..." she began worriedly, biting her lower lip.

Mello furrowed his thin eyebrows from beneath his bangs, clearly vexed by her lack of cooperation. "Do you not _want_ me to come up or something?"

"N-no, it's not that!" Sayu insisted. She glanced behind her nervously, as though expecting her mother to come bursting into her bedroom at any moment. "It's just... she's an incredibly light-sleeper and..."

Mello snorted. "Don't worry, I can bypass security. Check this shit out." And Sayu watched on in horror Mello stood on top of a nearby patio table. He proceeded to use it as leverage to climb on top of the awning that extended over part of the backyard. The wooden cover was utilized as a kind of bridge for him, and he sauntered casually across it toward Sayu's window.

"Be quiet..." Sayu protested feebly, wincing with every heavy footfall.

But then Mello's hands were tangled in the dark tresses of her hair, pulling her lips against his in a surprisingly tender kiss. "Like Repunzel," he murmured, sucking on her lower lip and making Sayu shiver. "My princess in the highest tower. But mere physical distance couldn't keep us apart... couldn't keep me from you..."

Sayu blushed. "Stop it," she muttered, swatting him. "You're embarrassing me." She wriggled free from his grasp, stepping backwards as to make more room to accommodate him. She watched as Mello slid into her bedroom, catlike in his motions.

"Pretty slick, huh?" Mello said, dusting off the back of his pants absently.

"Come here," Sayu purred, settling back onto the bed and waving him over with a solitary index finger. Mello flashed her a wicked grin and obliged, closing the gap between them in three long strides. He climbed on top of her, his fingers intertwining with her own as he kissed her. Sayu's eyes fluttered close, but she could feel Mello's gaze upon her, roaming the landscape of her body wondrously as he leaned back, unbuckling the belt of his charcoal-colored jeans.

"Sayu," she heard his quiet whisper, could smell the dark chocolate on his breath as his hands gently slid her panties down over her willowy thighs. "You're so beautiful, you know that?"

She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks again. "Mello," she sighed. "What's gotten into you?" And she steered him against her.

--

_"Listen, you can hold a gun to my head, and tell me to die for you," Matt told him some time later, after Mello had finally regained his consciousness. The redhead was seated on the futon behind him, staring down at the dirty, scuffed wood floor. "But you're my friend, and I would do it anyway." Mello took a deep breath, and Matt looked up, regarding him earnestly through yellow-hued lenses. "I understand that you think this is something we _have _to do. I just wish you'd reconsider, Mello. If not for me, then at least for Sayu..."_

_--_

"Is that why you woke me up?" she teased him, fingertips ghosting over the subtle curve of his hips. Mello pushed back his bangs, slick with sweat, away from his forehead as he rolled off of her. "For a booty call?"

"_No_," he insisted, his voice a slight whine. Sayu smirked at him. "No, _really_. I..." he grimaced at himself. "I just missed you, you know?"

"We just saw each other on Sunday," Sayu reminded him. "And tomorrow's Tuesday, remember? Tuesday's our day."

"Tomorrow I'm going to be busy," Mello said abruptly, and Sayu's expression wavered. He could see that she was trying very hard not to look disappointed. "Sayu, I'm sorry but... something big is going down on Thursday, and I've got to be _ready_."

"Like what kind of thing?"

"You don't want to know," Mello said, very seriously. Sayu started to get up, her eyes flashing in alarm.

"Mello..."

"Sayu, lay down." His forearm settled against her chest, forcing her back against the mattress. "I want to talk to you, okay? You know I have an agenda here. Not... with us," he reassured her quickly, as Sayu's eyes widened even more. "But with the Kira case and all. And the things I do... they're risky and dangerous and very likely to get me killed. You understand that, right?"

Sayu nodded, frowning at him. She could tell he was going somewhere with this, and she didn't like it, one bit.

"It was a bad idea for us to get involved," Mello said, and Sayu made an involuntary movement, her hands suddenly clutching at her chest as though mortally wounded. "Sayu, I'm not breaking up with you, _listen_." He was deliberately not meeting her gaze, instead focusing at the logo on the front of her shirt, the gentle slopes of her breasts. Sayu's hands dropped to her sides, but her pulse continued to race. "I don't want to hurt you... but the stakes here are high... there are certain circumstances here that are even beyond _my_ control. So what I'm saying is..."

"Don't." Mello blinked, mid-tirade, halted by the conviction in Sayu's vehement voice.

"Don't say anything else. I don't want to hear it. I don't want this last proclamation of love; I don't want this unveiling of secrets. I don't want to _know_. I just want you to come back to me." She stared at him, and although her gaze was hard, her words were feeble, wavering. "Mello... tell me you'll come back... please?"

"Sayu, you know I can't promise that." Mello's smile was brittle.

--

Dawn was approaching, and Mello and Matt were loading up the last of their equipment in the back of the Chevy SS. "Do you need me to run you through the plan one more time?" Mello asked, as he slammed the trunk shut with a resounding thud.

"No, I think I've got it." The hand which was lighting the cigarette clenched between his teeth slightly shook, and Matt grimaced. "Fuck, I'm kinda nervous."

Mello, for once in his life, looked deeply sympathetic. "Matt..."

"Save it for later, Mello." Matt said, giving up on his cigarette entirely and stubbing it out his boot instead. "If there is a later."

Mello's smile was grim as the redhead pulled out his keys, reaching for the driver-side door. "I just wanted to say, thanks for all your help."

--

_"Don't watch the news on Thursday," Mello told her, as she clung to him fiercely in the darkest hours of the night._

_"Of course," Sayu lied into his collar, knowing fully well that she will oblige no such request._

_--_

Amazingly, even after being dealt such a devastating blow, Sayu still managed to succumb to sleep.

When she finally woke up the next morning, Mello was gone.

--

On Thursday, just as Takada was being lead inside of the production studios, Lidner's earpiece beeped and came to life.

"A-Team," Lidner instructed suddenly, as Takada paused in the doorway. Several bodyguards came forward to surround the blonde. "Please escort Ms. Takada inside. It appears as though some rebels have been spotted the next street over. B-Team and I will see to it that they do not infiltrate the blockade." She gestured vaguely to the numerous police cars parked out in front of the building, obscuring any potential entrance.

"Of course!" One of the B-team members saluted Lidner enthusiastically, as the others began to hurriedly usher the dark-haired newscaster inside. Takada glanced over her shoulder back at Lidner, whose expression was one of utmost determination.

"Don't worry," Lidner assured over her shoulder, as she began to hurry away to the nearest unmarked police vehicle across the street. "You're in very capable hands. I'm going to take care of the immediate threat, okay?" Takada nodded, relieved, and at last allowed herself to be dragged inside. Lidner had to suppress the grim smile as she stepped out onto the sidewalk and toward her car. And then, abruptly--

_Boom_.

-- The entire building went up behind her, glass shards raining down upon Lidner from above. The blonde staggered and fell, propelled forward by the force of the explosion. She rolled on the hard cement, tearing the hem of her blouse and snapping the heel of her shoe as she went bouncing along.

She leapt her feet almost immediately thereafter, feigning the appropriate expression of astonishment and horror for the given situation. "Hey, Lidner," filtered in the sarcastic voice from her earpiece. "Are you alright? That was some spectacular fall." She could hear his snickering on the other line.

_Asshole_, she thought irritably, as ambulance sirens began to sound nearby.

--

From an abandoned parking structure just a block over, two lone figures sat leaning against a battered red muscle car.

"I can't believe she just ate shit like that," Matt said, his cigarette bobbing with the effort of his laughter. He offered the pair of binoculars over to Mello, who declined with a distracted wave of his hand. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Matt shrugged, and set them down on the hood of the car instead. Beside him, Mello was looking exceedingly more uncomfortable with every passing moment.

"Do you think she's dead?" Mello asked, a little uncertainly.

"Who? Takada?" The blonde nodded. "Oh, don't worry, Mels. She is most _definitely_ dead, especially after all that."

"Good." The blonde looked somewhat relieved, although still twitchy. Matt knew he was itching to call Sayu.

"So, Mello," Matt said conversationally, flicking away a fall of ashes from the front of his vest. "What's gonna happen now?"

Mello frowned, squinting at the smoldering carnage in the distance. "I don't know," he admitted truthfully after a moment. "We'll let Near figure it out." He opened the passenger side door and slid in, motioning Matt to do the same. "C'mon, Matt, let's go."

Matt tossed his half-finished cigarette away, and smirked.

--

_To be concluded in_ Heterodox_._


End file.
